Two Souls
by ThisGuyPersonOverHere
Summary: Commander Shepard and Tali'Zorah were meant to be together. Neither of them know it yet, but they will. Spanning across the Mass effect trilogy.
1. Wake up

**Author's note: Hey everybody! I really hope you enjoy the first chapter of my re-imagining of the Shepard/Tali romance. I was always disappointed that there was never an option to romance Tali in ME:1, and I wanted to give my take on what it should've been like. I have plans to continue this project for, but I'm not sure the community will like it, so please let me know if you want more. I haven't written anything in a long time and it's my first time really writing a story at all. I'm open to any and all criticism or comments, but please keep it constructive. I wish you all the best and please enjoy!**

* * *

He woke with a start, his elevated breathing taking even him by surprise. He felt his damp shirt sticking to his back.

 _Jesus, I don't even sweat this much in battle._

He swung his legs off his cot, put his head in his hands and took a minute to regain the usual calm and collected composure he was known for.

 _I really hope no one noticed._

He glanced around the collective bunk area and saw that no one else was around. He sighed in relief, it just wouldn't do for any of the crew to know their XO had nightmares. He had more reason than most, but to him that didn't excuse the weakness he felt every time he woke like that. He felt inadequate. Weak, like it was his fault he was seeing their faces all the time. As if he was the reason they were dead. Sometimes he thought it was, but he wouldn't tell anyone that.

 _No. I'm stronger than that._

The last thing he needed was another psyche eval, he was a professional. He couldn't lie to himself though, just when he thought the nightmares were starting to stop, they came back in full force it seemed. During his 30-year life span, John Shepard had done far more in his time working for the Alliance than most higher-ups did throughout their own lengthy careers. All the Alliance shrinks told him the same thing; he had survived hell. They said no one could go through what he went and come away unscathed, both mentally and physically. The scars on his body told him they were at least half right. Even his fight on Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz hadn't taken as much of a toll as Akuze had. Sure, he had lost people there too, but it paled in comparison to the sheer carnage he had witnessed on Akuze.

He took another minute to finish composing himself, listening to the breathing and snoring of the other sleeping crew. He had a job to do, starting with some breakfast. He glanced at his old, busted up watch. 05:47.

 _Perfect._

Sighing, he threw on his fatigues, and was in the kitchen eating in less than a minute. He was chatting with some of the marines and noticed Nihlus walking out of Captain Anderson's office. Some on the ship didn't like having a turian a board, but he didn't mind. He had a great respect for the turian military and Nihlus was a Spectre, which meant he was one of the best of the best. He respected him, but he wasn't fooled. He knew Nihlus wasn't just here for a ride, nor was he here just to oversee the beacon retrieval. He was here for something more. Shepard didn't know anything more than the rest of the crew did and as much as he hated being out of the loop, he knew Anderson must have his reasons and he respected them.

It didn't mean he couldn't be curious about it. He turned back to the marines.

"I'm going to go talk to the Captain," he said suddenly. He left his seat and looked back at Jenkins, "Remember Jenkins, if I come down for inspection later and you still haven't found that part you lost for your rifle, I'll use you in my recreation of William Tell," he said seriously. Jenkins audibly swallowed, while Shepard winked at the other marines, who were barely keeping a straight face. Satisfied with the result of his 'threat' the Commander proceeded to Anderson's office.

"Captian, sir," he saluted.

"At ease, Commander," Anderson smiled slightly.

"May I speak freely sir?"

"Of course, Shepard."

"I'd like to know what Nihlus is really doing here sir."

"Can't tell you that Commander."

"So, you admit he's here for more than just a pickup?"

Anderson smiled slightly from his desk. He was sharp. Not to mention one of the best damn soldiers the Alliance had to offer. The Captain was proud to have him as his XO.

"Do me a favor Commander, go make sure Joker isn't going through his entire repertoire of turian jokes while Nihlus is on the bridge. I'd hate to have to find a new pilot."

"You sure sir? We could get a pilot with less of an ego, maybe even one who doesn't talk all the time."

Anderson let out a hearty laugh, "It's tempting, but it'd be too much paperwork. Get to it Commander."

"Sir yes sir,' Shepard smiled as he saluted and made his way to the bridge.

The bridge was his favorite part of the Normandy, he loved looking out the viewports. He'd never admit it, but he even liked the pilot Jeff "Joker" Moreau. Shepard knew just how important wisecracking was for morale and Joker was good at it. The Commander liked to spend time at the cockpit joking around and just talking, but even Joker wasn't his usual witty self with Nihlus right behind him.

 _Thank God, he's smart enough to know that Nihlus isn't the joking kind._

He listened intently and took in the view as Joker brought them out of the relay on their way towards Eden Prime. Nihlus looked happy enough and left towards the comm room to meet with the Captain. Shepard stuck around a little longer to talk to Joker and Lieutenant Alenko, until the captain's voice came over the bridge's communicator asking the Commander to join him in the comm room.

"Aye, aye, Captain. Better brace yourself sir, I think Nihlus is headed your way," Joker warned.

"He's already here, Lieutenant."

Shepard smirked to himself. _I guess I spoke too soon._

He left to the meeting; hoping to finally hear what the Spectre was really doing on board.

* * *

 **PS: I have another 3 chapters written, but I'm not quite satisfied with them yet. I'll most likely post them tonight. Check back then if you want more!**


	2. The Quarian

**Author's note: The next 2 are pretty long ones. Any feedback whatsoever is appreciated. I'd like to know if you think I did a good job of capturing the personality of the characters or not. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

He wasn't surprised the council didn't believe him. After all, they considered the mission on Eden Prime to be a complete failure. He knew he'd done all he could and saved everyone he could have, but he couldn't pretend that it wasn't a huge kick to the balls. The geth, those human things, Jenkins and Nihlus dying, and that goddamn beacon. Now he was off looking for evidence that Saren was really behind the geth attack on Eden Prime. _Easier said than done,_ he thought to himself as a bullet whistled over the table he was using for cover.

"Hey Wrex, would you mind showing our loyal customer over here to his table?" Shepard asked politely.

Wrex's eyes narrowed when he understood what Shepard was getting at. He chuckled lightly.

"I like the way you think human."

Wrex immediately got to his feet, picked up his table and rushed the thug in the doorway, using it as a shield. Sure enough, he hit the thug full force and it was safe to say he wouldn't be moving for a while. His friend, however, took the opportunity to line up his shotgun with Wrex's head, but before he could take the shot, he was hit in the head by one of Shepard's tungsten rounds. His sniper rifle smoking, he surveyed the damage they had caused.

"Didn't you say Udina told you not to make a mess?" Garrus asked coyly.

"No, he said _try_ not to make a mess," Shepard shrugged. "Big difference."

"Ha! A difference I'm sure he'll overlook when he crucifies you for this."

"I guess we'd better go get Fist then. I'd hate for all this to be for nothing."

He was starting to like Garrus. Sure, he could be a bit reckless, but Shepard had a pretty good idea where he stood with him. Wrex was another matter entirely, John knew he'd have to work on that. The trio continued to Fist's office where he put up a bit of a fight, but Wrex ended it quickly by headbutting him to the ground.

"Where's the quarian," the Commander demanded.

It didn't take long between the guns pointed at him and Wrex's deadly stare for him to give up the meeting location.

"Here on the wards. Back alley by the markets. She's supposed to meet them there right now. You can make it if you hurry," Fist finished.

"Thanks." Shepard turned to leave.

BAM!

"Was that really necessary, Wrex?" he asked turning back to the scene.

"I told you I was going to kill him."

To be fair, Wrex did warn him. Still, Shepard didn't like that he shot him, but they had more pressing issues to attend to. They had a quarian to save.

* * *

 _Keelah,_ she thought to herself.

She never thought it might end like this. The past few days hadn't been kind to Tali'Zorah nar Rayya to say the least.

 _You would think getting shot might make people sympathize a little._

Not in her case. The people of the Citadel had looked at her no differently than the others. Nothing more than dirty scavengers and thieves. No one had bothered to help until she reached Dr. Michel's clinic. She didn't remember much after arriving. She had passed out and woke to find the doctor caring for her. She knew she owed her her life. She didn't know much about humans, but she would never forget the doctor's kindness.

She was abruptly returned to reality as the turian assassin fired another burst at the alcove she was hiding behind. Tali looked over at the dead salarians lying nearby. _Bosh'tets,_ she thought bitterly. She heard running footsteps behind her and immediately whipped her shotgun around at the new threat.

 _Keelah,_ she had never seen such a strange group. A krogan and a turian, with a human leading them.

"Garrus give us some suppressing fire," he yelled as he flung himself down into the alcove with the quarian. "Wrex lob a grenade and get ready to move on my go." He turned to Tali, "Don't worry miss we'll have to out of here as soon as possible."

 _Miss? Did he just call me miss?_

She didn't get to ask, however, since he immediately charged ahead guns blazing, followed closely by the krogan.

 _They're listening to him?_

She leaned out of the alcove to get a better look. Strangely, as they moved forward she saw the man put his hand on the krogan's chest, signaling him to stand back. He pointed his rifle in the air and fired 2 burst into the neon sign that was above the 3 assassins' cover. He must've noticed that none of the assassins had a kinetic barrier and let the glass distract them. He sprinted up the stairs to their position and rolled past the crate they had been hiding behind and unloaded his thermal clip into them.

 _Resourceful._

"I think we're clear. Garrus call C-Sec and let them know what happened," the man ordered. "Wrex I want you to do a sweep of the area make sure we didn't miss anyone. I don't like surprises."

Wrex just grunted.

He walked back down the steps towards her and popped another thermal clip into his rifle. She was still a bit stunned from the encounter, it was all of 15 seconds from her hearing their footsteps, to him walking down the stairs.

 _Keelah he made it look easy._ She waited for him to start berating her and to somehow pin all this on her, like any C-Sec officer would. Instead, he offered her his hand and helped her to her feet with a smile.

"Are you alright ma'am?' he asked her with concern.

"I know how to look after myself, not that I don't appreciate the help," she hurriedly added; not wanting to seem ungrateful. "Who are you?"

"You definitely can," he stated nodding towards the two salarians on the ground. "I'm Commander Shepard, Alliance navy. I'm looking for evidence to prove Saren is a traitor."

"Then I have a chance to repay you for saving my life. I have a recording from a geth memory core implicating Saren."

"You've just made me the happiest man on the Citadel, miss…?" he prodded, grinning.

She blushed slightly from his comment, glad, for once, that she was wearing a visor. "Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya."

"Well Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, if you'd like to come with me, maybe you can help get me back into my ambassador's good books." he sighed and rolled his eyes.

She laughed for the first time in days. "I think that's the least I can do."

 _Cute laugh_ , he thought to himself as he laughed with her.

* * *

That had gone inexplicably well, all things considered. He really thought that the council would find some way to refute Tali's evidence, and for once, he was glad he'd been wrong. He had to admit it, he was impressed with how Tali had snatched the geth's memory core. He knew she'd be an asset and immediately offered her a position on the Normandy, he'd have to be stupid not to. He glanced over to her on the elevator up to the docking bay. She may look small, but she handled that shotgun well.

 _Remind me not to get on her bad side._

They disembarked the elevator and got to the docking tube of the Normandy before he realized that Tali had fallen behind. She was leaning on the railing gazing adoringly at the SR-1.

He smiled to himself slightly and walked over to her, "If you think she's beautiful now, wait until you see what's inside."

"It even looks advanced," she breathed.

"That's because she is. Top of the line everything. State-of-the-art IES stealth tech and an experimental drive core too. All one of a kind."

If she wasn't excited before she was now. He could see her practically bouncing up and down.

He started to walk away and waved her over to follow, "Let's not keep those engines waiting."

"I-uh Shepard…"

He turned and saw her wringing her hands and looking at the floor. It was disconcerting seeing her change from elated to downcast within seconds.

"What's wrong Tali?"

"It's okay if you don't want me on your ship. I-I… I'd understand. The crew probably wouldn't like a quarian on their ship. They might think I'm just there to steal everything. Everyone else does."

He put a hand on her shoulder, "Hey, they won't. I'm a Spectre now because of you, but if anyone does, their doubts will go away within seconds of talking to you. I sure as hell don't think that about you. I look at you and see a damn fine engineer. Hell, I bet you'll put all the other engineers to shame," he paused for a few seconds. "You'd also be a terrible thief," he added with a smile.

She looked right into his eyes, and knew he was telling the truth. She blushed heavily but managed to stammer out, "Thank-Thanks Shepard," and laughed lightly.

"Anytime Miss Zorah, now let's go get you acquainted with all that state-of-the-art tech. I know most of the ship's systems myself."

"I didn't figure you for a ship guy," she said, impressed.

"Guilty as charged," he joked with his hands up. "I make it my duty to get to know any ship I'm on and considering it's my ship now, I better know my way around it."

She giggled. _Maybe it won't be so bad serving on a human ship after all, Tali mused._

They made their way to the Normandy and spent the trip to the drive core discussing ship engines.


	3. Into the Maw of Hell

**Note: Well that's it for today. I always thought Bioware missed an opportunity on this mission to go into a bit of detail for the Akuze backstory, so this is my rendition. Anyways, if you enjoyed you can expect another couple chapters within the next few days.**

* * *

It was T-minus 5 minutes until Mako drop. They were deploying on Edolus in the Sparta cluster of the Artemis Tau system and were tasked with locating some missing marines. Admiral Kahoku mentioned they were investigating a strange signal here, and he hadn't heard from them since. It was a restricted area now, but as a Spectre, Shepard had the authority to investigate.

He looked around at the ground team in the Mako with him. Garrus and Wrex looked calm and ready for anything, but Tali was nervous as hell. He curbed the urge to laugh. He really couldn't blame her, until 15 minutes ago she hadn't known just how the Mako deployed planetside.

 _Just nerves,_ he thought.

To say she was nervous would be a monumental understatement _._ It never crossed her mind that they'd be freefalling onto the planet.

 _Garrus that Bosh'tet. He knew and he didn't say a damn thing until I was getting in this metal coffin. Keelah this is how I die._

Shepard took off his helmet. Garrus caught his eye from the driver's seat, and nodded towards Tali. He took the hint and mouthed, "Your fault," before taking a seat next to Tali.

"We're not going to die if that's what you're thinking."

"We're all going to die sooner or later," Wrex interjected.

"Thank you Wrex. Very constructive."

Wrex shrugged.

"This isn't my first drop and it certainly won't be my last, Tali. Garrus has been working on this thing night and day. I don't think he'd let us destroy something he put his sweat and blood into. We couldn't be in more capable hands. Or are they talons, Garrus?"

Garrus gave a loud laugh at the jab. "At least I don't look like a monkey."

It was Shepard's turn to laugh and even Tali chuckled anxiously. He grabbed hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze. She blushed at his touch, but couldn't help but feel better.

"Nothing to worry about, okay?"

"Okay," she relented.

"If we do die though, Joker is under strict orders to return your body to the flotilla free of charge,' he joked.

"Bosh'tet," Tali mumbled, but she couldn't help smiling a little.

"Ha! I could tell that was an insult. You'll have to tell me what it means later."

Joker's voice crackled on the comm link, "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying air Normandy. I hope you all have a lovely trip and don't forget to tip the dashing pilot if you want to make it safely planetside."

"3…2…1. Good luck and Godspeed or whatever it is I'm supposed to say."

"Keelah!" Tali yelped as she felt the Mako fall. Her hand instinctively found Shepard's and held it tightly until they landed safely.

"See that wasn't so bad," Shepard reckoned putting his helmet back on.

 _Maybe not,_ she realized, but she wasn't going to admit it.

It took the shore team another 15 minutes to reach the signal the marines had been tracking. As they approached, Shepard could see the bodies and sighed deeply. He knew the odds of finding them alive had been slim. The Mako pulled up 15 meters away from the marines and their Grizzly tank. Shepard disembarked and told the others to stay in the LAV while he investigated. He crouched down next to the nearest body and felt his heartrate increase exponentially. He had seen these kinds of wounds before. Almost all the marines had acid burns and those that didn't had huge gashes in their armor. Some were even half eaten, but all were dead. _Akuze._

Shepard stood up and panickily looked around. "No no no no no no no, not again."

 _What is he doing?_ Tali was worried. He was just standing there, arms hanging limply at his sides. His face was blank, but she could sense something was very wrong.

"Shepard, are you okay?" Tali asked worriedly.

That's when they felt it. The rumbling. It was getting louder. More intense.

"Shepard? Garrus what is that?"

"I have no idea, but its bigger than Wrex," he responded and readied the Mako's weapons.

It was as if time froze for Commander Shepard. He felt the vibrations reverberating in his legs. He knew exactly what was coming. _Shepard._ He saw his old unit in his mind. _Shepard._ He saw Patil being sliced in two. _Shepard._ He saw the ground beneath Realez give way and heard his screams. _Shepard._ He saw the acid melting Willets' face down to his skull. _Shepard!_

"Shepard!", Tali screamed.

He heard her voice. They needed him. It was enough to bring him to his senses.

"Garrus move, now!" he barked. "Go, go go!"

Garrus floored it. The Mako revved into motion without a moment to spare. The ground it was standing open 5 seconds ago erupted when the thresher maw broke through the surface, screeching.

"It's been a while since I've killed one of these," Wrex boomed happily.

"Is that a fucking thresher maw?" Garrus demanded.

"Oh Keelah, what about Shepard?" Tali yelled.

He opened fire immediately. He knew he was well and truly fucked fighting this thing on foot. He rolled as it spit acid at him. _Fuck_. He ejected his thermal sink and slapped in another while running like hell. The thresher screeched as the main cannon from the Mako fired at its face. It retreated into the ground and all became quiet for a moment.

Shepard knew better now.

"Don't you dare stop that tank Garrus! If you take your foot off the accelerator, even for a second, we all die here! Light the bastard up as soon as it pokes its ugly fucking head up." He ran and climbed on top of the deceased marines' Grizzly.

Garrus was taken aback by the sheer aggressiveness in his Commander's tone. Sure enough, the rumbling hit its peak again, and the thresher surfaced yet again, closer to Shepard. Garrus did as instructed and gave it everything the Mako could fire.

Tali could see Shepard out the window. He was standing on the Grizzly firing at the thresher 10 meters in front of him. He never wavered and he only stopped long enough to replace his rifle's thermal clip.

She couldn't help but feel a certain pride in her Commander. _The brave, stupid, idiotic Bosh'tet._

He had just finished reloading his thermal clip when the claw hit him.

"No!" Tali screamed as the Commander was flung back 20 meters.

Garrus cursed loudly, and devoted every ounce of energy he had to killing the "fucking monstrosity". The main cannon had been fired 48 times to finally bring the thresher maw down. Even then, Garrus continued to fire shot after shot into the maw's corpse.

"Garrus we have to go get him. Wrex warn the Normandy that the Commander is wounded. Now!" Tali ordered aggressively.

Both Wrex and Garrus were surprised to hear her give orders, but both knew better than to argue with her. They pulled up next to Shepard and carried him inside. He began to stir. He opened his eyes, and saw two luminescent orbs staring back at him, full of concern.

"How far did I go?" he tried to lighten the mood.

"Must've been at least 30 meters." Wrex laughed loudly. "You're tougher than you look human."

He attempted to laugh, but stopped because it hurt too much.

"You probably have a broken rib or two," Tali deduced, but she was glad to hear him joke around like he usually did. She playfully punched him in the shoulder, "Crazy Bosh'tet."


	4. Doctor's Orders

**Note: Sorry for the delay for this chapter, but I'm finally satisfied enough to release it. This is the longest chapter yet, and I hope you'll all enjoy it. Again, any feedback at all is encouraged, it can only help me improve! From now on, I'll try to at least release a chapter or two every week. Enjoy and have a great day!**

* * *

Everything was blurry. Shepard was standing in a wide-open valley encompassed by tall rocky mountains. He glanced around, but could not recognize where he was. He felt a twinge of anxiety. The profound silence was heavy to his ears and the pressure it exuded made his head feel fit to burst.

 _Where am I?_

He called out tentatively. Hearing no response, he continued to increase his volume until his throat was ragged. He couldn't take the silence anymore; the pain in his head was so intense. He fell to his knees and foolishly tried to block the quiet. To his own surprise, it was replaced with a voice.

"Private when I enter a room you best salute!" it yelled to him. Shepard turned and was even more shocked to see his old Lieutenant standing behind him. His face still held the wound that killed him when the acid melted through his helmet, but there was no mistaking the stony expression it bore.

"Willets?" he questioned softly.

"Who the hell else would it be Private?" His voice was still as hard as the day Shepard first met the bastard. "I ordered you to leave Eugene, instead your dumbass had to try and be the hero." He pointed to his half-melted face, "Look what that cost me! I'll never see my family again because you tried to save a man who was already dead. All you had to do was stay the fuck down, and you couldn't even do that right. I'm dead because of you. My son doesn't have a father because of you."

It was nothing Shepard hadn't told himself already. He thought Eugene's wounds weren't as bad as they were. He thought he had time to save him. He was wrong about Eugene, but he knew deep down Willets was already dead before he even made it to Eugene. It didn't stop the words from crushing Shepard. Every doubt about every decision he made that day came flooding back into his mind. It was too much for the Commander. He fell to his knees again; this time being brought down by the sheer weight of the guilt he felt. He wept.

"I'm sorry," he pleaded. "I was supposed to die with you all." The rest of his unit began appearing one by one. Each bore the distinct mark that had killed them. The cacophony of voices began as they all blamed him, accusing him of surviving.

"Why did you get to live?"

"Why didn't you help me?"

"This is your fault!"

"You could have saved us!"

"You didn't try hard enough!"

"I'm sorry!" he tried to scream over the noise, but noon of them were listening. Their words washed over him, an admission of his guilt. He begged for it to stop.

 _I'd rather be dead._

* * *

Tali was sitting In the med bay watching the Commander. It had been 10 hours since Dr. Chakwas had forcefully sedated him. Shepard had been insistent on returning to duty and had tried to leave. She still remembered how nonchalantly Chakwas had stuck the sedative into his neck, she even had time to say, "Doctor's orders."

The memory still brought a light smile to Tali's face. Ashley had been indignant at first, but eventually realized the necessity of the sedation. Afterwards, the crew had decided it would better if a member of the team stayed with him until he awoke to help ease any confusion he might have. They decided to take shifts, and it happened to be Tali's shift now.

 _05:13, I hope he wakes up before I have to report to engineering._ She sighed anxiously. _Surely he must be waking soon._ She wasn't nearly as worried as she was on the way back, but she was still distracted enough to have barely slept the night before. She was beginning to wonder why she was so anxious. _It's just because he's my Captain. Everyone on the ship is worried about him._ Even as the words went through her head she knew they weren't entirely true. There was something more to this, but she wasn't sure yet. After all, she had seen the look on his face, the pure terror in his eyes. Tali wasn't sure if anyone else had seen it, but she knew that when he awoke he'd need someone to talk to. That's why she hoped he would wake on her shift.

She voiced her concerns to Dr. Chakwas upon returning, and could tell the Doctor knew the reason behind it, but she had been less than forthcoming. It just made Tali worry all the more. All Chakwas said was to ask Shepard himself when he could answer. Ashley had simply stated: 'Not my place to say,' when Tali had asked her. She couldn't help but feel like there was some big secret that everyone knew but her.

Glancing at Shepard, Tali couldn't help but blush seeing him shirtless. It was necessary to remove his shirt to bandage the gash left by the thresher maw, but she couldn't help but notice just how many scars the man had or how well muscled he was. She blushed even harder, once again thankful no one could notice through her visor. She was beginning to wonder if it was normal for the sedation to last this long. She was about to ask Dr. Chakwas when a monitor to her left began beeping loudly.

Immediately, Chakwas hurried over and began taking scans with her omni tool. Tali could feel her apprehension building rapidly again.

"Doctor what's happening?" she asked, her tone betraying the emotions she felt.

"His heartrate is increasing quickly. Likely due to intense dreaming as a result of the-

The doctor was interrupted by her patient shooting up from his bed. Tali jumped backwards, startled by the sudden movement. He was breathing heavily as he looked around the room. _It looks like he's seen a ghost._ He took a couple of deep breaths to steady himself.

"Ah, Commander, welcome back. I trust you're better rested now?" Chakwas inquired soothingly.

He didn't respond right away, but instead looked at the floor. Tali knew that it was because he felt guilty for not controlling his outburst.

"I'm fine now, thanks doc." The pained way in which he said it, made Tali's heart go out to him. Clearly, he was anything but fine.

Chakwas was not convinced, but she decided to drop the matter for now. "Stay here Commander, I'll be right back," she ordered, leaving the med bay.

"Sorry for scaring you, Tali," he joked. He tried to smile, but she knew he was forcing it.

"I don't scare that easy, you just startled me is all," she responded, embarrassed.

"Ha! Right. Sorry, I forgot I was talking to the fearless Tali'Zorah. Weren't you the one screaming when the Mako dropped? He laughed softly.

"I'm pretty sure that was Garrus."

He guffawed at her comment and even she joined in. "I think that's the first time I've ever heard you joke around," he replied. "It's good to see you finally letting loose."

She was surprised at how quickly he returned to his usual self, but she knew better thank to think he wasn't hurting.

"It's good to see you're finally conscious. I've been getting tired of hearing you snore," she jabbed playfully.

"I just hope I'm not as bad as Wrex."

Tali giggled. "I'd say you're a close second."

Shaking his head, he said, "Damn." He checked around the room once more before turning to Tali and asking, "How long have you been here?"

"My shift started at 05:00, so not that long." Sensing his next response she quickly added, "We decided it would be best if one of the team was here to greet you when you woke."

"Thank you," he voiced with sincere appreciation. "You seem to know just how to cheer me up, and waking up to your pretty visor is much better than waking up to Garrus' ugly mug."

"I can still go get him if you'd like," she replied, though blushing at his compliment.

"No thanks, I'm more than happy to be talking to you." He looked down and noticed the bandage over his chest. He sighed. "Another scar for the collection," he said softly.

"You do have many scars." Her comment caused him to raise an eyebrow and wink. She blushed more furiously than ever before, and hoped to the Ancestors he couldn't feel the heat emanating from her. He got up from the bed and turned his back her while picking up his shirt. She noticed several thin scars across his back.

"Keelah," she let out softly. _It looks like he was whipped._

Shepard finished putting on his shirt and turned back to look at Tali, who averted her gaze immediately. He knew exactly what she saw.

"I'm sorry, Shepard." She began to wring her hands nervously, expecting an outburst or to be chewed out for being too nosy.

"It's okay, Tali," he said, his voice no more than a whisper. Normally, he would have left it at that, but something about her compelled him to say more. "It was slavers."

She looked up from the floor, and saw the pain etched clearly on his face. She sensed a profound sadness from the man who had been laughing mere moments before. A sorrow so deep, as if it was engraved on to his very soul, his very being. Tali wanted to know more, but she knew this was not something to push, he would say more when he was ready to.

"I'm so sorry," she didn't know what else she could say to ease his anguish.

He was about to say more, to tell her what happened on Mindoir, but the door to the med bay opened, and Dr. Chakwas entered carrying a platter. "Commander I-," she took one glance at the look on Shepard's face and knew she had interrupted something very personal. She stopped in her tracks and looked back to Tali, who was wringing her hands frantically. Recovering gracefully, she continued, "Commander, I brought you something to eat. After sleeping for 10 hours I daresay you need the energy. I also brought some nutrient paste for you Tali, I hope that's sufficient."

"Thanks doc," he tried his best to smile.

Doctor Chakwas set the platter down on the bed where John had been resting. She decided to herself that the best thing to do for the Commander, was to leave them to their conversation. "Tali, I'm afraid I must ask something of you. I have other matters to attend to, so I need you to stay here a little longer and make sure the Commander eats everything on his platter. I'll let Adams know you'll be a little late because you're doing me a favor."

"Of course, Dr. Chakwas."

"Thank you, my dear," she replied, excusing herself from the room.

They ate in silence. She could tell Shepard was still thinking about his scars, he was obviously uncomfortable. He noticed her watching him, and with a pang of guilt he realized he felt bad, eating in front of her.

"I'm sorry, Tali. It must be rude for me to eat in front of you like this," he confessed.

She was taken aback by his apology. _He's more concerned about my feelings than his own._ "Shepard, there's no need to apologize, it's not rude at all. In fact, I'm glad to see you eating. Doctor Chakwas would have me thrown out the airlock if you weren't," she joked, trying to get him to smile.

It worked. He laughed loudly and his charming smile returned. With the tension now broken, he bombarded her with questions of life on the Flotilla. She smiled, it was obvious that he was genuinely interested in hearing about it. She wasn't used to someone caring. They spent the rest of the meal happily chatting with each other.


	5. Contact

**Note: I just finished this chapter up last night, so I hope you all enjoy! As always, feedback is very important to me, so don't hesitate to voice your opinions even if you hated it.**

* * *

Shepard sat staring at the console in his quarters. He was rereading the after-action reports from Feros, and was comparing them to those on Therum. If he was being honest, dealing with the Thorian had been far more taxing than escaping the collapsing ruins on Therum.

 _At least we got Dr. T'Soni out of there,_ he reflected gratefully. The Thorian's creepers had been the hardest to deal with, they disturbed him. They reminded him far too much of the husks the geth used, too humanoid for comfort. His thoughts returned to the colonists of Zhu's Hope, he had done his best to save them all with the gas grenades, but he couldn't get Fai Dan's suicide out of his head. _Damn waste, he was a good man._

He sighed, leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head, his fatigue from the mission on Feros was getting to him. He was reading the same sentence repeatedly for the past 10 minutes, not registering what the words meant. Shepard was about to get some much-needed rest when he heard a knock on his door.

"Come in." Seeing who it was he added, "Ah Tali, what can I do for my favorite quarian engineer?" He thought he knew what this was about, but he needed to make sure. As soon as she stepped over the threshold, she was twisting her hands together, giving her nervousness away. He smiled lightly, he'd do his best to help build her confidence.

"I'm sorry for bothering you," she apologized softly, not quite able to meet his eyes.

"Tali, I doubt you could bother me even if you tried." She looked up and met his eyes, some of the worry she felt was alleviated. He continued, "I always have time for my crew, even if it's just to chat."

Her relief was short-lived, her worry came back as she remembered what she wanted to talk about. "I wanted to apologize, it was my fault that destroyer almost got me. If it hadn't been for you, I'd be dead now."

His suspicions were confirmed. He vividly remembered what transpired.

* * *

The tower near Zhu's Hope was crawling with geth. He quickly surveyed how many were left. 3 shock troopers holed up in the back, 2 destroyers advancing on their position behind the stone stairway, and 2 geth troopers laying down suppressive fire. He heard the crack as the sniper shot rang out. _Make that one geth trooper left._ Truth be told he was impressed with Garrus' accuracy, but he still knew he was the better shot.

Tali overloaded the shields of the destroyer to their left, and without wasting a second, Shepard lined up the shot and squeezed the trigger. Its flashlight head split and spewed conductive fluid from its now exposed wiring. By the time the destroyer had dropped, he was already lining up the geth troop's center mass. _Exhale and squeeze._ He heard the geth squeal and knew his aim had been true. Tali finished off the other destroyer with a shotgun blast that took it off its feet, while Garrus was working on the shock troopers.

"Garrus keep them pinned down. Tali move up and get ready I'm going to flush them out," he barked. He felt the adrenaline of battle flood into his system as he dashed down the path to the left, unseen by the geth. Once he was behind them, he pulled out 2 grenades and flung them at the hunkering geth. One of the shock troopers hadn't been fast enough and the explosion ripped the machine apart, but the other 2 broke from cover, only to be cut down by Tali and Garrus' gunfire.

"Garrus, Tali and I will do a quick sweep to make sure we got them all, watch the staircase and make sure we don't get flanked."

"Right," he acknowledged as he took up his position by the stairs.

Shepard and Tali has just begun clearing the area, when, suddenly, another destroyer jumped down from the crater in the roof. Before Tali had the chance to do anything, the geth ripped her shotgun from her grasp and kicked her to the ground. Garrus didn't have a shot, there were 2 more geth advancing down the stairs towards him and he was busy enough. Shepard knew he had only one chance to save the young quarian. Without hesitating he charged the destroyer, much like a krogan would, and fired a blast from his own shotgun before colliding violently with the metal giant. He was lucky his initial barrage had been not only enough to damage its shield, but it also threw the destroyer off balance. The geth tumbled

Fighting the geth was dangerous enough in ranged engagements, but fighting them hand to hand, especially a destroyer, was damn near suicide. The 11-foot-tall machine was far stronger than him and easily weighed 4 times as much as the human, not to mention the fact that the geth were incredibly intelligent. Shepard knew this already, but he had no choice. Tali was in trouble and he would do anything in his power to save one his crew.

He pulled out his pistol and fired as many shots into the behemoth as he could before its rushed forward and knocked him aside. The geth grabbed him by the neck and yanked him 4 feet into the air. _Fuck._ He put his boot on its chest, drew the knife he kept strapped to it, and stabbed it into the geth's arm right at the weakness in the joint. He was granted a momentary reprieve as the geth dropped him, he assumed he managed to sever the servos in its arm. Shepard had a slight advantage now as the geth's right arm hung limply at its side, and pressed the advantage by rolling past it on the right side. He could hear the destroyer close behind him and slid towards the shotgun Tali dropped, turned quickly and put 3 slugs into its spotlight of a head. He heard the geth screech loudly as he turned its upper half into a white, pulpy mess. _I got lucky._ He sighed in relief, but immediately winced in pain.

"All clear…now," he heard Garrus declare confidently.

Shepard was already preoccupied. "Tali, you okay?' he asked, his ragged voice full of concern.

"Keelah, it feels like I got hit by a krogan chasing a salarian scientist," she puffed. He started to laugh croakily, before he realized just how much that hurt his crushed throat. Instead, he grabbed her hand, put his other arm around her back and helped her to her feet.

"You still think you can keep up?" he inquired playfully.

He could tell his voice was worrying her, but she shot back, "I can outrun you any time, Commander. We quarians are faster than we look." She looked down at her feet as she said it, resisting the urge to bring her hands together.

"If you say so. Garrus, let's move out. I'll take point," he ordered as he turned to leave.

"Shepard," Tali said softly as she grabbed his wrist, her smile reflected in her glowing eyes. "Thanks"

* * *

He still smiled when he thought of her thanks. _She's just that cute,_ he reflected.

He understood why she blamed herself, he knew it wasn't her fault. If it was anyone's fault, it was his. Now he just had to make her see it.

"Tali,' he began gently, "there was no way for you to know that destroyer was lying in wait. It came out of nowhere and took all of us by surprise. If anything, it's my fault you were in that situation in the first place."

"Shepard- "

"Let me finish," he interrupted with a broad smile on his face. "You're the best damn combat engineer I've ever seen, without a doubt. Hell, you can even be a great leader someday if you wanted that position. You just doubt yourself too much, and there's absolutely no reason for it. I've seen you on and off the battlefield these past 2 months and I've never once distrusted your abilities. I'd put my life in your hands and I know you'd never let me down." He surprised himself somewhat with his vehement defense, but even as the words came from his mouth, he knew he'd meant every word.

 _How does he always know exactly what to say?_ She beamed brightly as his words washed over her. "Thank you, Shepard. It means a lot to hear you say that. I don't think anyone's ever said something that nice to me before."

"Well, get used to it Miss Zorah. As long as you're a member of my crew, it's my duty to let you know how valued you are, and I take that responsibility very seriously," he said, half-joking; half-serious.

She started to laugh lightly, but trailed off as her thoughts rested on Rael'Zorah, her father. _Shepard can trust me like this and he's not even blood, or even quarian for that matter, but he still cares about me more than my own father._ That stung.

Sensing something else had brought her sorrow, Shepard reached out and squeezed her shoulder gently, letting her know he was there for her. "Something else on your mind, Tali?" he inquired caringly.

"No- no it's noth- it's my father," her grief evident in every word and tears falling slowly down her cheeks. It felt good to release them. "Ever since mother died every ounce of warmth and compassion he once had died with her. He's an Admiral so I know he's a busy man, but when mother was alive he'd always make time for us, make time for me." She stopped because now she was crying in earnest, and needed a moment to catch her breath. Shepard increased the pressure on her shoulder. "After, she passed he stopped. I only really saw him when Auntie Raan pushed him to spend time with me, and even then, he usually just ended up lecturing me about my failures. About how he expected more from Admiral Rael'Zorah's daughter. It's like he didn't care about who I was anymore, but just who he wanted me to be. I was top in the fleet among the young quarians in engineering and even that wasn't enough for him." She remembered the simple, curt nod he had given her when she excitedly told him the news. "He just nodded at me like I was some soldier bringing him a report about some damn geth incursion. You trust me more than he ever has, and truthfully, you probably care more than does too." She began to weep even harder.

Shepard had no words for Tali. He was still so shocked and disgusted that a father could ever do that to their child, especially one as sweet and gentle as Tali. _Unless you piss her off, then she'll grab her shotgun,_ he mused. Instead, he moved forwards and wrapped his arms around her, pulled her in close and squeezed gently. Tali wasted no time returning in hugging back tightly, and buried her visor in his shoulder.

They stayed in each other's arms until she regained her composure. He finally understood the root of the constant, nagging self-doubt. _Rael'Zorah._

Shepard pushed her back slightly so he could look her right in her luminescent eyes. "Your father's disregard for your thoughts and emotions are inexcusable, but deep down, in some convoluted way, your father thinks he's doing what's best for you," he began quietly. "It shouldn't take your aunt's hand to get him to spend time with his only child. That's just wrong, but don't think he doesn't care. If you ask me, it sounds like he cares too much. He's so focused on what he thinks you have to be to survive, that he's not giving much thought as to how much his methods are affecting your life."

She stopped him there and pulled him in for another embrace. Truth be told, Shepard wasn't much of a hugger, but he found that he did not mind when it came to Tali. He liked it. It just felt right.

Tali felt much lighter than she had in months. It was as if a weight had been moved from her heart. Shepard's words were kind, and more importantly, she realized, he was probably right. _He usually is._ She smiled to herself, blissfully ignorant to all else, but his arms around her. _Muscular arms,_ she remembered, recalling the sight of him shirtless. She squeezed him happily.

"As for me, you'll just have to deal with it because I don't plan on abandoning any of my crew anytime soon," he quipped, trying to raise her spirits.

She laughed loudly and sweetly. "I think I could get used to that," she teased blithely. It took her a moment to register her own words, but she blushed furiously when she realized her own meaning behind them. _Keelah girl, could you have made it anymore obvious?_

They broke apart. Shepard snapped to attention and saluted saying, "Yes, Admiral Tali'Zorah."

She smirked and giggled, thankful her meaning had gone over his head. _He's my Captain and a human,_ she reminded herself sharply.

"At ease, Commander. Now get some sleep. That's an order."

"Yes ma'am," watching her as she began walking towards the exit to his quarters.

She turned back to look at him, her eyes beaming, "Maybe next time we'll talk about your family." She left.

His gut knotted tightly at her words, the pain of their losses still hung heavily over him. He was not looking forward to reliving Mindoir.

* * *

 **PS: I wanted to try my hand at writing a small battle scene, which is why I added a flashback from Feros to the chapter. Let me know how if it was any good. Have a great rest of the day, thanks for reading!**


	6. The Truth

**Note: Hey everyone! I hope you enjoy this early morning chapter. Sorry for the delay, but it took me awhile to get my wording right. Hope you all have a great rest of you day, and as always, feel free to ask questions or leave some comments.**

* * *

Shepard was checking and rechecking his Spectre issued assault rifle. It was a nervous habit of his he'd developed back on Elysium. Anytime there was a lull in the firefight, he would pull out his weapons and go through every check he'd learnt back in basic. It was something to keep his mind off the impossible situation he was in and it stuck. Now, he did it to focus his thoughts on his mission and distract him from his own emotions. The words Admiral Hackett had spoken still rang in his head.

 _"We've found a connection between the scientists, and you. They all worked on a classified project several years ago, on Akuze."_

It infuriated him knowing that the hell he had gone through might have been orchestrated by Alliance scientists. He wanted to kill them. He wanted to beat this "Dr. Wayne" bloody when he found him. Scream at him, demand vengeance for his unit, his friends who had died. Most of all, he wanted answers and this doctor was going to give them to him, whether he wanted to or not.

Tali glanced around the Mako; Kaidan and Ashley were quietly whispering together, Garrus was taking his place in the driver's seat, Wrex was being his usual stoic self and Liara hadn't said a word to anyone. _I can't imagine what she's going through, even if her mother was being controlled, no one should have to go through that._ She was worried about Liara, but even more so about Shepard. He had barely said a word to anyone since they had landed on Ontarom.

She observed him carefully, he was checking his rifle for the 7th time. He was being methodical, as if he was acting out of pure muscle memory more than anything. She saw the same glint in his eye that he'd had when the Admiral had mentioned Akuze. He always looked ready to kill on missions, but this was different. She knew Shepard didn't like killing; he always preferred the peaceful solution if there was one, but this time, he was giving off the impression he wanted to kill someone. Badly.

Tali wasn't stupid, she knew something awful had happened to her Commander on Akuze, but she could never get anyone to tell her about the incident. It frustrated her to no end. She wanted to ask Shepard himself, but every time she came close her courage faltered. It pained her to the see the man she was coming to care about in such distress.

"Shepard, we're 5 minutes out," Garrus warned.

Shepard immediately stood up, "Alright Garrus, ease up. I want to go over the plan." He threw the holo-projection of the facility in the middle of the Mako. Shepard never had to ask for their attention, he just had a way of imposing silence on the crew when he talked. "Okay people, our scans show that at least 3 shuttles of unidentified hostiles landed 15 minutes ago. They are heavily armed and 3 shuttles can carry a lot of troops. That's why I brought all of you. They don't know we're here yet, but they will. We're going to hit them hard and fast." Wrex grunted in approval. "Kaidan, you'll be taking over the Mako and softening up the group outside as Ash, Tali, Liara, Wrex and I advance from the south. Garrus, you'll be on overwatch up here," he pointed at the mountain to the east, "until we get to the entrance, then Kaidan will pick you up and from there your job is to guard the shuttles. No one escapes, if they're unarmed or surrendering detain and hold until I get back. Understood?"

Wrex grunted.

Ashley answered, "Aye Skipper, I won't let you down."

Garrus chimed in, "You got it boss."

"Good. Garrus go on ahead and get set up. Ground team on me."

They disembarked the Mako and set up on the small hill just south of the facility. _Now we wait,_ he thought impatiently.

"You okay, Skipper?" Ashley whispered.

"I'm fine Ash."

"I know this must be hard-"

"Now's not the time, Chief," he replied stonily.

Registering the use of her rank, Ashley knew the conversation was over. Tali, who had been watching the exchange curiously, decided to use a different route. She gently grabbed his wrist and turned him towards her, looking right into his eyes.

"Just don't do anything you might regret," she pleaded softly. "Don't forget who you are."

Her pale eyes had an unexplainable soothing effect on him. He was grateful that someone wasn't asking him how he was for once. He knew his crew cared about his well being, but Tali was the only person he considered telling about his past. He found her words resonating deep within him, as, wordlessly, he nodded to her thankfully. She gave his wrist a quick squeeze and returned to her post.

Garrus' voice crackled in his helmet's receiver, "In position, Commander. I'm seeing at least 15 mercs between you and the facility"

"Thanks, Garrus. Ground team is holding on your signal, Kaidan."

As soon as the first explosion was heard, the team rushed from the hill with Shepard leading them. He could see 4 mercs laying in a bloody heap with a crater near them. _Nice work._ He sprinted forward towards the crates in front of him, while firing his rifle at the disoriented mercs. He heard a sharp _crack_ and watched a merc crumple. Shepard quickly dispatched 2 more from behind his crate. He spied a krogan rushing Liara's cover and fired 4 bursts into him, before he was tackled to the ground, and promptly pulverized by Wrex and his shotgun. Another shot from the Mako destroyed the barrier the last mercs had sought refuge behind. The squad directed all fire towards the opening, and it wasn't long until most the mercs lay dead or dying before them.

"I counted 12, what happened to the other 3 Garrus?"

"They retreated into the facility before I could get a clear shot."

"Understood, everyone on me," he ordered hastily. "We've got to move on them before they can entrench themselves inside. It's going to be messy and close quarters, so shotguns out if you've got one. If not, stay close to somebody who does."

They took up breaching positions by the entrance with Shepard spearheading with Tali right behind him, hacking the door's locking mechanism, while Ashley, Wrex and Liara were on the opposite side of the door. Tali signaled it was unlocked and Shepard put his hand up to count down.

 _3…2…1…_ "Now, Ash!", he yelled, opening the door. Ashley tossed a handful of grenades into the room and put her head down. As soon as he heard the explosion and smoke exude from the entrance, Shepard dashed into the smoke-filled room and stepped over several bodies while dispatching 3 coughing mercs he saw to his left. The rest of the team flooded in from behind to support him, as the mercs fired wildly towards the doorway.

"Singularity is up!" Liara called. 4 mercs lazily drifted into the air.

Wrex turned from the storage locker he was behind and fired 4 slugs from his shotgun. "Got 'em."

Tali was working quickly with her omni tool, "Sabotaging weapons in: 3…2…1… Done."

"Not bad… for a quarian," Ashley teased. Taking advantage of the lull of incoming fire, she vaulted over her cover and pushed the mercs in front of her, neutralizing 2 more.

"Bosh'tet," Tali mumbled to herself. She heard Shepard snicker to her right. _I was hoping no one would hear me._

He leaned out of cover and caught a retreating merc with a burst from his assault rifle. "You still haven't told me what that means."

"Nor will I. Quarians are very secretive about our language. Especially our insults," she replied jokingly.

She heard another appreciative chuckle before he shouldered his rifle and moved down the hallway, picking off any mercs that were exposed with lethal precision. A krogan merc saw an advantage and began rushing towards Shepard. _Fuck._

"I got your back, Shepard," Tali assured, overloading the krogan's shields and moved in to support him.

He fired a concussive blast at the still charging krogan, staggering him and giving he and Tali the opportunity to concentrate their fire. With their combined firepower, even a krogan's organ redundancy wasn't enough to keep him standing. He nodded to Tali gratefully.

"Shepard, the last of them are holed up in the back, behind those barriers," Liara warned.

"Ashley, Tali and I will keep their heads down. Wrex get ready to charge them. Liara singularity on my mark," he ordered confidently.

"Haha! Finally!" Wrex shouted in anticipation.

Shepard was firing short, controlled bursts at the barriers in front of the mercs, waiting for the right moment. He saw a shield shatter and yelled, "Now!"

Liara's singularity field appeared and trapped 4 of the 6 remaining mercs, as Wrex charged the other 2 men. He broke one of their necks with a sharp motion and used him as a shield, while he blasted the man's comrade with his shotgun. The rest of the squad finished off the floating mercs easily.

"Room's clear, Shepard," Wrex commented, disappointed.

He nodded in acknowledgement, "Everyone stack up on me. We'll push through the rest of the facility."

They moved through the door at the back of the room in wedge formation. They moved through the corridor where it branched off in 2 directions. "Wrex, Liara you two clear the room on the left." Shepard's group continued to the door on the left.

A terrified scientist was standing in the middle of the room with a merc who had his pistol pointed in his face. He thought the merc looked vaguely familiar.

"Stay back! I've got no grief with you! All I want is this bastard!" the human merc shouted.

"Please! He's a madman!" Dr. Wayne begged, close to tears. "Mr. Toombs, you're insane! You need help!"

 _Toombs?_ Shepard's eyes widened as his brain pieced it together. _That voice. I haven't heard it since it screamed at me for help, as a thresher pulled him under._ Tali noticed Shepard lower his weapon, his face a blank stare of confusion.

"Shut up! You don't get to lie! You don't…", Toombs trailed off as he recognized the man who barged in. "Shepard? My god, Shepard, is that you?"

Tali observed the disbelief on her Commander's face. "Toombs? But you were on Akuze! I saw the thresher maw pull you under! I watched you die."

Tali turned to Ashley to see if she was following the conversation, and for the first time; Tali saw a flash of fear in the soldier's eyes. Suddenly, everything clicked in Tali's mind. _That's why he froze on Edolus when the thresher maw attacked. It shook him to his very core. This man must not have been the only one he lost on Akuze._ She wondered just how many men had died there to make a soldier like Shepard freeze on a mission. She recalled the carnage on Edolus and that had just been a squad of 6 marines. It made her shudder just thinking about it.

"They took me, Shepard. The scientists," Toombs cried out.

"You can't prove any of this! This man is delusional!"

"See, they were running test on the thresher maws. They let those things hit us just to watch and study. I woke up in a holding cell. The scientists were delighted I'd survived. Now they had someone to run tests on."

All the guilt he had put on himself over the years came flooding back in earnest. He left Toombs behind, after they'd all promised to never leave a man behind. He had to explain himself, he had to make Toombs see.

"Toombs, I- I didn't see anybody. If I'd seen you, I'd have come back for you. I swear," he begged, his desperation evident in his words. "Please."

Tali's heart broke for him, hearing the raw emotion in his voice. His plea told her all she needed to know. Shepard blamed himself for what happened on Akuze. She got the forceful urge to hold him in her arms.

"You can't believe Toombs, he doesn't have any proof! I demand a fair trial!", Wayne screamed.

"He was there, Shepard, he knows the truth!"

The words filled Shepard with a cold rage. Tali saw his eyes flash dangerously and knew not to interfere. Shepard now had one purpose and she silently prayed to the Ancestors that he wouldn't kill the man. He stepped like the Grim Reaper himself would have, his eyes fixated on the scientist. He seemed not even to hear Toombs' protests.

"Shepard!" Ashley yelled and tried to grab his arm, but Tali stopped her and shook her head.

"He won't kill him," she said with confidence, even though she wasn't so sure. She understood that this was something he had to do.

The door behind them opened. Liara and Wrex walked in with their weapons drawn, as Shepard hoisted Dr. Wayne by his collar and threw him against the storage lockers violently. He held him a foot above the ground.

"Goddess! Shepard- ", Liara began.

Wrex, who had plenty of experience with blood rages, caught on quickly. Put his hand on her shoulder and said, "No. This is something nobody should interfere with." He himself was shocked. He didn't know the fleshy human had it in him.

"You mean to tell me all 48 of my friends who wear torn apart on Akuze, died because of a fucking experiment?" he asked coldly, his voice razor sharp and deadly. "Because you wanted to observe a thresher feeding frenzy? I hope to God for your sake that isn't true."

Tali had never heard him sound so menacing before. The frost of his tone sent shivers down her spine.

"No I had noth-", the doctor cried out.

Shepard slammed him against the storage units. "I didn't come all this way to hear you grovel," he spat with intense disgust. "I came here for the truth, and you should know I'm not leaving without it. One way or another," the threatening undertones clear to everyone.

"It was Cerberus! I work for Cerberus!" he began to weep uncontrollably, fearing he had just sealed his fate. "Please, the Illusive man can be very persuasive!"

"So that's what all their lives were to you? A project? Test subjects? That's what their lives were worth? What about their families? What about the widows? What about the children who'll grow up without one of their parents? All the lives you've affected for some fucking research project? I remember every goddamn one of their names: Realez, Freeman, Willets, Patil, Martinez, Clark, Matthewson, Deirdre, Di Lorenzo, Valentine, Watson, Richardson, Ossenburg, Brown, Thompson, Lopez, King, Campbell, Phillips, Parker, Evans, O'Connor, Hoolihan, Smith, Wong, Carter, Johnson, Kikoba, Wasserman, Schneider, Martz, Moore, Reed, Hughes, Flores, Haverson, Hayes, Graham, Cole, Owens, Murray, Chan, Tucker, Knight, Vasquez, Wheeler, Sato, and Hale", he recited, perfectly, from memory. It was clear to all he would never let himself forget a single one of his comrades.

Unbidden, Tali felt tears in her eyes. She was watching the anguish mar the face of the man she harbored such strong feelings for, and it tore at her that she could do nothing for him in that moment. She tasted a slight saltiness, as the warm, silent tears cascaded down her cheeks and into her mouth. He had committed them all to memory. It touched her to know the depth of Shepard's feelings for the fallen. She peeked at the others. Ashley was standing a silent vigil, armored to the teeth, but Tali could see tears flowing from her own eyes. For Liara, understanding had taken over her initial confusion, and she too, could not help but shed tears. Toombs just amazed, mingled with hostility. Even Wrex looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"All dead. Every single soldier," his voice was shaking with suppressed rage. "Because of you, and fucking Cerberus." Shepard tossed him unceremoniously onto the floor near Toombs, who readied his pistol. Shepard slowly and deliberately strode towards the cowering scientist, his hand moving towards his holster. "I can't reach Cerberus, yet, but you're just an arm's length away. I think I'll settle, for now," he growled threateningly.

 _Please, don't do it, Shepard,_ Tali begged internally. He withdrew his hands from his side, revealing a pair of omni cuffs. He passed them to Ashley, who almost dropped them out of surprise. _Keelah! Thank the Ancestors._ He stepped over the whimpering refuse and faced Toombs, who was now sputtering indignantly.

"I should have known you wouldn't have the stomach! Get out of my way!" he screamed, raising his pistol, level with Shepard's forehead. "I demand justice! He has to die!"

The entire team visibly tensed. Ashley, having secured the doctor, joined Tali and Liara in pointing their weapons at Toombs.

"You're better than this, Toombs. You're not like them and neither am I."

"Don't tell me who I am! You got away with a few scratches and a scary reputation! The rest of the unit died, and I was tortured for years, Shepard. You can't judge me. You don't have the right."

Shepard grabbed the tip of the pistol and pulled it right up against his visor. "If you want to bury your past, you can start with me! Go on, shoot me. You'll be no better than him. Running from your past won't work, trust me I've tried. The screams won't just leave with a bullet."

Toombs' resolve wavered, he lowered the gun an inch. Shepard softened his tone and continued, "Let me help you, please. I couldn't help you on Akuze, but I can now. You don't have to do this and you don't have to be alone."

The pistol clattered to the floor. Toombs fell to his knees and wept. "I'm not a murderer," he repeated, until his voice was hoarse.

"I know," Shepard muttered softly, his own voice uneven.

Tali moved forward and put a hand on his shoulder, and his own immediately grabbed at it, latching itself on to anything that could keep him from losing control.

"Come on, Shepard," she cooed gently. "Let's go home."

* * *

 **PS: I'm going to be really busy this week ,so I'll write when I can, but don't worry if there's a bit of a delay between this chapter and the next.**


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